Refined Through Love | Gabe & Kari Wendt

🎉 It’s our 5-year anniversary! 🎉

To celebrate, we're sharing our love story.

In this episode, we talk about how we met, fell in love, our wedding day, and five of the biggest lessons we've learned through our first five years of marriage.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:14

Welcome back to the Went For It Podcast. I'm your host, Carrie Went, with my amazing husband, Gabriel Went.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Yeah, we're back.

SPEAKER_03 0:25

And today is a special day. Um, it's just us.

SPEAKER_02 0:33

I guess I don't know why that makes it special.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Yeah, it's been a few episodes since it's been just the two of us. We've had a sequence of guests, which have been a lot of fun, but it's special because this episode is coming out on our anniversary. And it's our five-year anniversary.

SPEAKER_03 0:55

Yes, which is also, we just realized this, our golden anniversary.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

Yeah, our golden anniversary, June 5th. Anniversary number five. Five years. We made it five years.

SPEAKER_03 1:09

I guess is that like a thing that people actually celebrate golden anniversaries, or is that just a birthday thing?

SPEAKER_00 1:15

I don't know. I think it's just a birthday thing, but it's a it's a marriage thing now. Yep, we made it a marriage thing. But happy anniversary, even though we're still technically like two weeks away from it. We're recording this ahead of time, but happy five-year anniversary.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

Happy five years.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

But been the best five years of my life, and it's just been an amazing five years to build life with you and to grow and learn with you and to struggle with you and to celebrate with you and all the things.

SPEAKER_03 1:57

Yes. We thought it would be so fun to just kind of reflect back in this episode, just on our relationship, how we met, maybe a little bit about our wedding, what we've learned with being married at these past five years, and just for it to release on our anniversary.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

Yep. And we'll actually be in Mexico when this releases. So we'll be in paradise while this comes out. So I don't know if we'll actually listen to it when it comes out, but you probably will. Yes. I know we will. Yeah, probably. But so let's get into it.

SPEAKER_03 2:43

Okay. I thought before we like jump right into how we met, we could ask some funny little questions.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:50

As an intro.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

Perfect.

SPEAKER_03 2:53

So first one is who would you say is the more dramatic one when sick?

SPEAKER_00 2:59

More dramatic when sick? That's kind of hard because I feel like I feel like I don't get sick as often as you do, which makes it more dramatic when I get sick. Like I feel like I just turn into a giant baby when I do get sick. So I guess I would say probably me.

SPEAKER_03 3:24

I feel like we're pretty equal on this one. I think we're both dramatic.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

Well. Okay. Well, good. All right.

SPEAKER_03 3:33

I also think we're both pretty equally dramatic about when the other one is sick and not wanting to get sick.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

Oh, like I'm like, stay away from me.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

If you're throwing up, I'm like outside trying to get away from those germs.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Like, yeah, if if one of us is throwing up, like the other one's like outside setting up a tent, sleeping outside. No, okay. We're not that we're not that dramatic, but it feels that way sometimes. It does. Okay, that was a good one. What's another one?

SPEAKER_03 4:03

Uh, who would you say is most likely to start a deep combo at 11 p.m.?

SPEAKER_00 4:08

You.

SPEAKER_03 4:09

Yeah, that's definitely me.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

You. And I actually had to have a talk with you at one point about this because we would like get to bed and we would lay down, go to sleep. And I'm like, when it's bedtime, it's bedtime. I'm like, it's time to check out, time to go to sleep. But then you used to like, if you needed to talk about something, you used to kind of like hang on to it all day. And then you would bring it up at bedtime. And I would like finally like just had a conversation. Hey, like, if you ever need to talk through something, just bring it up whenever because it's never a bad time unless it's bedtime, because then I'm gonna get cranky about it, regardless of whatever we're trying to talk about.

SPEAKER_02 4:51

Which I was like, Oh, I think it's so fun to have pillow talk at bedtime. That definitely was an adjustment.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

There's there's pillow talk, but then there's like something that I did that maybe upset you when it's like, okay, it's 10 p.m. and I'm trying to go to bed, and now you want to talk about what I've done to offend you. Like, I get you know the Bible verse, like, don't let the sun go down while you're angry, and you know, stuff like that, but there's plenty of hours in the day for for us to bring it up when it's not bedtime.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

And um, that was a long time ago, though. That was like probably our first year of marriage. Oh, bless you, Cadence. You probably just heard Cadence sneeze. She's in the studio with us today.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

She's the cutest.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

She is obviously the cutest dog in the world. No arguments. Um but yes, it that's not an issue anymore. And I guess there are times where we do have like deep conversations when we're laying in bed, but it's not something where it's like we need to talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 5:57

We need to hash something out.

SPEAKER_00 5:58

It's not like having to talk through something, it's always just like, what do you think about this? Type stuff.

SPEAKER_03 6:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

Yep. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

What else do you got? I got another one.

SPEAKER_03 6:10

Who spends longer at Target?

SPEAKER_00 6:17

I don't know. I feel like you, but also could be me. I'm gonna go with you.

SPEAKER_03 6:25

Yeah, I think if I were to answer in this moment today, I definitely spend a longer time at Target. But I feel like there's been seasons where it's been you that spends longer time at Target.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

Well, because sometimes I'm like, if I'm in the mood to like spend money and just get like a dopamine hit or something, and I'm at Tarjay and I'm like, okay, I want to buy something, but I also like don't want to buy something that I don't need. So then I'll spend like an hour looking at stuff, and then I'll relook at it, and then I'll, yeah. So I think it just depends on when you catch me.

SPEAKER_03 7:01

Also, when you first started dating, our like dates were Chick-fil-A, Target.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

True. We would always go to Chick-fil-A and then Target, right?

SPEAKER_03 7:09

Target's always been just a love of ours.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

Yeah, we love going to Target.

SPEAKER_03 7:14

We love you, Target.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

Any more questions?

SPEAKER_03 7:19

Let's see if I got maybe one more for us. Oh, let's do this one. Who is more likely to forget plans?

SPEAKER_00 7:29

Me.

SPEAKER_03 7:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

100% me.

SPEAKER_03 7:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:32

Which is funny because I like typically like to have things well thought out and planned, but then I will forget them very easily.

SPEAKER_03 7:43

A lot of times you will ask me like three different times what's the plan? When's the start time?

SPEAKER_00 7:52

Very true. Yep, definitely me.

SPEAKER_03 7:54

Refer back to my previous message.

unknown 7:58

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_00 7:59

Oh. I thought you were trying to remind me of something right now in the moment.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

No, in text.

SPEAKER_00 8:09

See, this is how like how much I forget is like I'm always on my toes.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

Lord help us.

SPEAKER_00 8:16

Okay. Well, yes, five-year anniversary. Let's tell a little bit about our story, how we met. Um, yeah. Let let's just dig into it. Does that sound good?

SPEAKER_02 8:32

Let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Okay. How do we meet?

SPEAKER_02 8:38

We uh technically met at church.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

Yes, we met at church.

SPEAKER_03 8:43

Which we both kind of like really when we like first met each other, obviously we were just kind of like hanging out as friends. Well, really, we weren't even friends initially.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

This is true.

SPEAKER_03 8:55

We just like knew of each other.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

Yeah, we knew of each other, and uh, you know, we did like life groups at church and stuff, and um it's like we were in the same life group, but then we also had like our own people that we kind of hung out with like separately that all went to that life group together, and then eventually it was actually right around the time that Smash Park opened up here in Des Moines, Iowa, where I feel like when they opened up, it was just like we would go there like every weekend. It was like a life group thing. It's like we're all gonna go to Smash Park, and then we all started hanging out together, which was awesome. And we would spend almost every weekend there, it felt like, anyways. And um, so that's when we kind of started hanging out together and became friends, and uh, I would say feelings maybe started to catch a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 9:53

Maybe, yeah. Not I would say like just like question mark, like, ooh, maybe like he's kind of cool.

unknown 10:07

Interesting.

SPEAKER_03 10:08

I think the first time I had that thought was when we were playing bags at Smash Park. I was like, oh, he seems really fun and cool, and I definitely want to get to know him more.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

Yeah, yeah, we would play cornhole bags, whatever you call it, a lot at Smash Park.

SPEAKER_03 10:25

And um Gabe would often throw over and restart or what it was it called.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

If you go over 21, then you go down back down to 11. And whenever Carrie and I were on a team together, she would get so mad because she is one of the most competitive people you'll ever meet. And so that's actually how that's I how we got to know each other pretty well, actually, is we were always on the same team playing cornhole, and I would go over 21, and so we would spend like four hours playing cornhole.

SPEAKER_03 11:00

We almost won so many times, and then you'd throw it over and we were right back, right back down to 11. But it was so much fun still.

SPEAKER_00 11:08

Yeah, no, in all seriousness, it was a great time, and that's when we started to get to know each other better, and then we came up with like a handshake and everything. I remember. I bet you we I can we can still pull it out.

SPEAKER_03 11:22

I bet we could.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

But we came up with a handshake because we were always like team, like teammates playing cornhole, and then throughout that summer, like we would play volleyball together, and so we were just around each other a lot more, um, more frequently.

SPEAKER_03 11:38

A lot in groups, though.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

Yeah, a lot in groups, and then finally there was just a time where um I think I invited you over to just hang out at my apartment, and you came over and hung out with me and Cadence, and I so I had Cadence, our dog, before Carrie and I were together, and uh yeah, you just hung out for a couple hours.

SPEAKER_03 12:02

It felt very natural, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

So, and it was all like still at this point, like it like I think we had kind of started to think like, oh, maybe like more than friend feelings, but at the same time we were still just hanging out as friends, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:19

That wasn't a date, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

And so, but we had some like really good conversation that night. Like I remember like just yeah, really, really good conversation.

SPEAKER_03 12:30

And um I remember though in that convo, we both were like, Yeah, we don't ever want to date anyone from church.

SPEAKER_00 12:36

Yeah. We we both said to each other, we would never date someone from church because we were like, you know, because if if you break up, well then, you know, it might make it hard for the other, you know, for one of the people to be there, and then um one of us would feel like we'd have to leave and stuff like that. So we're we both agreed, like, oh, we would never date someone from church.

SPEAKER_02 12:59

And then um from our church, yes, just by we weren't trying to go out and meet like someone that didn't have the same like beliefs and uh faith in the Lord.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

Yep. And so a couple more months go by. Carrie and I keep hanging out together, like in grooves, but also like we would still hang out just one-on-one with each other. Um, and we would walk cadence, yeah. We'd take cadence for a walk all the time. Oh, I just said the W word and her ears perked up.

SPEAKER_03 13:32

This is like my my favorite story. This is the little tangent from our, you know, relationship, but I guess it relates. We were going like to take Cadence out, and we decided we wanted to go get ice cream, and we hopped in Gabe's car and the windows were like all the way down. And I was like, Do you think we should roll those up? Like, what if Cadence like jumps out the window as we're driving and you're like I was like, No, she's never done that before.

SPEAKER_00 14:02

It'll be fine. Yeah, and we start driving down the road.

SPEAKER_03 14:06

It wasn't even the road, it was like your apartment parking lot.

SPEAKER_00 14:09

Yeah, and I'm like probably going 20 miles an hour and then like pulling out of the parking lot, and then there's a rabbit that just like is running across the grass or whatever, and Cadence sees it, and she just supermans out the window, goes flying out the window to chase the bunny, yeah, and she's like in the back seat, Carrie's in the front seat, and like it was just crazy out of nowhere. Like, all in like a half second, Cadence from the backseat just flies over Carrie in the front seat, out the window, and starts chasing this bunny. And I wasn't even mad or concerned that she's gonna run away. We were just laughing so hard. Yeah, that was that was one of my favorite, favorite memories for sure. That was so funny.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

It was hilarious.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

Um, but yeah, so we continued to hang out, and uh there was one night that you came over to my apartment and we decided to confess feelings to each other.

SPEAKER_03 15:13

Yeah, so obviously feelings were caught. The whole we're not gonna date anyone from church thing didn't last. I think we both knew that night that we had that convo, that probably wasn't gonna stand. Um, but yeah, so I went over to his apartment and I actually was leaving for a trip to California the next day, and I was like, we just have to have this conversation. Like, I can't do the like in between, we need to just hash out what this is, what we're feeling, how we're moving forward.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

Yep, a late night conversation.

SPEAKER_03 15:48

Um, it was after work.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

I know it wasn't that late.

SPEAKER_03 15:53

It was and I was like, this is the perfect time to do it because if it doesn't go well, I'm going to California. The sun, the beach, I'll be around people that I love. Like, yeah, it this is the opportune time.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

She had this set up perfectly. So, anyways, yeah, Carrie came over and we were hanging out.

SPEAKER_03 16:13

You made like white chicken chili, which could not eat because I was so like nervous about telling you how I felt. So basically, I was like, let's we didn't even eat. I was like, let's just have this convo. I actually started the conversation and said, I am 95% sure that I have more than friend feelings for you. And the other 5% is that I just really love your dog.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

Yep. And Gabe's response was my response to Carrie was Carrie, you just make my life so confusing. Which was not a great response looking back. Not something that um you would want to say if you're a single man, like looking to date. Don't tell a woman that she just makes your life confusing. Worked out for me, obviously. We're five years married now, but um, I said that and then proceeded probably for like 10 to 15 minutes. We just sat inside.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

Silence, guys, silence.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Because I was internally processing, like, okay, like first off, like, yes, like she confessed her feelings to me first, which I was like, oh wow, I didn't not expect this to happen tonight. And um so she did that, and then I was processing, like, okay, I already know, like, obviously, I have feelings for her too, but I was processing the whole thing about like, you know, we both said we wouldn't date anyone from the same church, and um, if we do that, like what's this gonna look like? And this and that. So, like, I'm just processing all these different things, and then eventually, finally, like, we had like a good conversation about it, and then we agreed, like, hey, here's what we'll do. Like, you'll go to California, and then next week when you get back, you can come over to my apartment and we'll do like a brunch date. And so I made her breakfast and um made her Swedish pancakes and some crepes and stuff like that, and then um that'll be our first date, and so that's what we did, and then here we are.

SPEAKER_03 18:33

Just to be clear, he did confess he had feelings.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

Yes, I yeah, I thought that was clear. Like, yes, I confessed that I had feelings after I processed all this stuff and we talked through it all, and yeah, so we agreed to have a date and everything, and and so yeah, we had that first date, and then we dated for probably like what two months or so before we started telling anyone about it.

SPEAKER_03 18:58

Yeah, we dated in secret for a bit because we both really wanted to make sure like it was we were both really sure like it was gonna work out.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

Um yeah, like is this gonna be like a long-term relationship? Will this last? And because we didn't want it to just be like, oh hey, everyone, look, Abe and Carrie dating, and then like a month and a half later, like two months or whatever, it's like, oh, now they broke up. This is weird. This is all you know, so like we were just wanted to make sure it was like a a real thing that would actually like go somewhere. And at that time, how old were we, like 25?

SPEAKER_01 19:34

25 or 26.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

Yeah, and so at that stage, I mean, we were kind of like we we know what we're looking for in like a spouse and stuff like that. So you could kind of see the signs already, but um, obviously dating and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_03 19:51

So two months, and yeah, like the other thing with that too, like I think for me, I really didn't want to tell a ton of people also to just like form my own opinion about you and our relationship, and also to just let God speak into it because yeah, sometimes you let a lot of people in and they have all these opinions. Um true, yeah. Which I think no way is right or wrong. I think just for me, like I needed to have time to just sit in the relationship to just again know how I felt and to not let other people influence me about how I felt about you.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:30

And then um just really to let God speak into the relationship too, because I think it can sometimes be harder to hear God speaking over something if I have all these other voices kind of speaking into it.

SPEAKER_00 20:44

Yes, for sure. Yeah, when you have so many different people coming from every different direction about, you know, sharing their thoughts or opinions on something, yeah, it's like okay, what what's solid ground and what's sand here? Like it's just so yeah, and you I would say you definitely had that mindset more than I did. I was just like, you know, what I already explained, but um, once you told me that, actually, I was like, oh wow, that is actually very wise. And that was just another thing that I was like highly impressed with. And um my feelings for you grew even more because I was like, okay, this woman, like, she's standing on solid ground, and um I like that.

SPEAKER_03 21:25

I think it's also like important to share that like prior to Gabe, I really hadn't dated anyone seriously. Um I didn't have any boyfriends in high school. I went to an all-woman's college. So very minimal chance.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

Praise the Lord for that.

SPEAKER_03 21:45

There were maybe a few guys on campus each day. Um, but I also just didn't really have like a strong desire at those points in my life either. And I think, you know, in today's culture, it can become Very easy to feel like insecure if you haven't had a relationship or your friends around you are all dating. Um, and I remember like thinking, like, I'm 25 and I haven't had a serious boyfriend yet. I haven't even kissed a guy yet. Like, what, like, am I gonna get married? Like, I have no idea. And I think the Lord, like, just brought um like that desire out in the most perfect timing for me, and he brought you into my life in the perfect timing. And I never would have thought, like, the first guy I date is actually gonna end up being my husband. Like, yeah, I am so blessed that that was like the love story God wrote for me. And I just want to encourage uh any woman out there listening, or even any man, like if you haven't dated much, um that's okay. Like the Lord is writing your story in the most perfect way for you. And I don't want you to sit feeling insecure um or shameful, maybe about just your relationship um journey at this point. Like, yeah, there's no like, I mean, your your story of dating is very different from mine. Like you did have relationships, and I would say like that brought you to who the person you are today. Like, there's not this like right or wrong way, God's way and how he's going to bring and write your story is the perfect way.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

Yeah, there's no right or wrong way, it's just trusting the Lord's process and where he has you. And I would say, like, I've I've had relationships where I shouldn't have been in. And so, like, there's that side of it where it's like I was trying to force something, like, oh, I like this girl, um, but like maybe it just wasn't God's best for me. And not to say there was anything wrong with the girl herself, but it just wasn't what the Lord had for me, and obviously ultimately didn't work out. And so, like, just trusting the Lord's process and where he's leading and guiding you, and um praying for your spouse is like something that like is so important that um I had learned uh in my 20s was you know, I'm gonna pray, you know, for my spouse and like who the Lord is calling her to be, that she would become that woman. And um I'm honestly very truly blessed by you and who the Lord has um grown you into be and back then, but even today. And so but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

Oh, that's so sweet. I'm blessed by you too.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

Yes, we can we can be cringy sometimes on this podcast, right? We're allowed to be cringy.

SPEAKER_03 24:50

So we essentially like dated nine months.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Yep, so we dated like you said, nine months, got engaged.

SPEAKER_03 25:00

That was about nine months of being engaged.

SPEAKER_00 25:02

Yep. So dated nine months, engaged nine months, and then um got married, obviously. That's what comes after engagement. Um, on June 5th of 2021. And honestly, like that was I feel like this is something like a lot of men don't admit to or would like even say, but like that was like one of the best days of my life because like it was just amazing. Like, obviously, you get to marry your best friend and you're starting your life together. It's not like you've arrived, like it's just the beginning, but like on the other side of it too, it's like everyone who is there, like our families like just loved us so well, they celebrated us so well, like we felt so loved by our family, our friends. And like I look back on that day and I just remember like how much fun it was to be with everyone that I loved and to feel all that love while like getting to marry the person who I loved the most. Like, and it was just yeah, it was one of the best days of my life.

SPEAKER_03 26:18

Yeah, and to back up just a little bit, I will say like we did eventually let like our friends and our family in on the relationship and just mentors. Uh, so it wasn't like we were just in isolation in our relationship, like we let people in, we let them speak into the relationship to kind of confirm what we were feeling, and um yeah, and the Lord just kept like green flagging it and yeah, green flagging. Green flagging. Um and I kind of want to touch on maybe you already said like it was one of the best days of your life. I obviously agree with that as well. Like so, so much fun. Um, what would you say was one of your favorite parts to that day?

SPEAKER_00 27:04

One of my favorite parts on our wedding day. Hmm.

SPEAKER_03 27:11

I can go first.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

Yeah, you go first because I got a few that I'm I need to sort through.

SPEAKER_03 27:15

Okay. I'm gonna, I mean, they're both, these are like tied to each other, but so Gabe's very talented musician, and he ended up surprising me with writing um my walk down song called O Carrie. So I gotta walk down the aisle to um him singing me that song and just him at the front waiting for me. It was just the most special moment. Um and then actually at the end of this the reception, we had we had planned, like we had all these fireworks that we were gonna set off and like create like a cool tunnel. And my brother actually ended up being like, play the song again, play the song again.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

And he tried to hand me a microphone. Cool, comes up to me with the microphone, is like, you're gonna sing it. I was like, no.

SPEAKER_03 28:03

Live, live audio, live performance of it. And so we ended up having the DJ play it again, and we danced to it, and that was like how we concluded the night. And it was like the most special moment, and I just love how like we let go of like the plans of the fireworks and just were fully present in that moment. And it was again just so special to get to dance with you to a song that you wrote for me that just um spoke to just the love of our relationship.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

Yeah, that was really cool, and by that time it was like 11 p.m. So it was like our family there, and then like our closest friends, and so it was just like a really special, intimate moment that we didn't plan for that just naturally happened. It was awesome. That's a really good one. Um my favorite memory. I mean, like it's there's so many of them. Like I struggle with these questions. What's your favorite, you know, of anything? I'm like, unless you're talking about sports teams, I can't choose. But like some of my favorites would be like the first look when I got to see you in your wedding dress for the first time. And um, I just that that was really special and fun, and obviously you looked gorgeous, and so that was cool. Um, I loved, you know, we wrote our own vows, so that was cool. Um I also loved like there was just like on your wedding day, like obviously your friends and family, like your family is there, and um, when you're getting married, you're starting your own family, and um obviously there's like blood family, um, so like obviously like who you're related to, but then like I think there's as you continue your marriage and life together, there's just people who become family, um, so like friends that I would consider like close family members in a sense, if that does that make sense what I'm trying to say. So, like, there was just a moment where our officiant uh Justin Meese, um so for our uh our unity portion of the ceremony, we decided to do communion. And um earlier that week, Justin and Missy, the Mies family had a loss in their family. And um I remember right before we did communion and prayed, um like obviously that week was just so hard for the Mies family, and we told Justin and Missy, like, hey, like you guys please like be with your family, be with your family, and they're like, Hey, you know, they call us a couple days before the wedding, hey, we worked it out, like we'll be able to be with our family and still be able to be there for you guys. And so Justin still came, and Missy and the girls came, they did the ceremony, and Justin right before we did communion, he just said, like, obviously, you guys know um how hard this week has been for us, but I want you to know like there's nowhere else I'd rather be right now than here with you in this moment. And I remember I started like crying, and I was just like, wow. And in that moment, um, I knew that like Justin and Missy would become um part of our extended family. Yeah, like and so that was just a really cool moment too. And so um, Justin, Missy, if you're listening, we love you and love you like family, and we're so thankful for you.

SPEAKER_02 32:04

But um also he had to drive back because we forgot to sign the marriage certificate.

SPEAKER_00 32:13

Yes uh yeah, we did this ceremony and all that stuff. Well, like maybe an hour and a half or so into the um reception. We uh I get a call from Justin. He's like, hey, I'm on my way back because I forgot that you know we have to sign the the license, the the marital license certificate. And like, oh yeah, I forgot about that part. So yeah, it's all the little things you don't think of, but it was such a fun day, it was amazing, and there was laughter, tears, love, and yeah, and some bears colors. Kind of gave kind of bears colors the only request for the wedding was that it would be blue and orange, yeah, blue and orange for the Chicago Bears, and um I got I I kind of got my like a little bit our our suit, like the guys' suits were blue, like a light blue, and then Carrie says there was some orange in the flowers, and I'm like There were yeah, I guess there were. I I don't know, but yeah, honestly, truly one of the best days ever. And I think like I said it earlier, but to just remember that we didn't arrive that day, it was just the beginning of our relationship, and so um, yeah, let's like let's talk about marriage, yeah, being married, yeah. As you guys can see, this is literally just like a um organic conversation. Like we we have very few notes that we're just like maybe we'll talk about this, maybe we'll talk about that. But it's like we you guys are just getting like raw content. So thanks for sticking with us. Yes, um, okay, so we figured five years of marriage. Let's do five things that we have learned um throughout our marriage uh when it comes to um being married and what that looks like. And so yeah, let's start with you, Carrie. Um, what is something that you've learned throughout these five years about marriage?

SPEAKER_03 34:31

Yeah, well, the first thing that pops into my mind, um, I think like year one, I remember always feeling like, oh, I just never want to disappoint or hurt you. Like, I don't want to ever let you down. And I think some of that too was like I hadn't been in a serious relationship before. So it's I hadn't really like applied that in a romantic relationship way. Like obviously you're gonna let people down. Not that you want to, but I think that was just something I was like, I never want to disappoint you, I never want to hurt you. Um, and it was just something I learned. Like there are gonna be moments where I maybe miscommunicate something or I'm not fully present in a conversation or respond in a way that you uh you need me to in that moment. And so it was just learning like and giving myself grace of there are gonna be moments where um I do disappoint you or I hurt you, and it's not that it's intentional, but that's just kind of a part of relationships. Um we're not perfect humans, we are gonna have uh mistakes. Um and so I think it was just yeah, learning that and then also learning like if I did let you down or I did hurt you in a way that obviously wasn't intentional, like you weren't gonna run from that, or it wasn't gonna be like, I don't love you anymore. Like, no, we like we got married that day to vow like we are in this for forever. Um, and so just like learning that I didn't need to be scared um or afraid um of really like conflict or um yeah, I think conflict maybe.

SPEAKER_00 36:15

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, and I would even say like you've never let me down and like you've never like yeah, I've never like had a moment where I'm like, oh wow, you've really let me down here. Like, you know, there they're there's times where like yeah, like maybe feelings are hurt or whatever, but like I don't think you will ever let me down. So the first thing that really comes to mind that I've learned is like your spouse, like Carrie is like I look at her as like my rib, like she's protecting like my internal organs or whatever, like she's just an important piece that like helps protect me. And I want to be that for her as well. And so, like what that kind of looks like is like I've always got her back. Um, and having her back doesn't mean just blindly like agreeing with her if she's like, yeah, like never just agreeing just to agree, like, but like you know, to correct you in love or to help, you know, spiritually lead you in love, and you know, so like stuff like that, but also like yeah, always always just having your back and then um and also never like complaining about you to our friends or like my friends or like even like my family, yeah. Like if I ever have anything that I need to complain about that has to do with you, like I go directly to you because like you're not someone to be well, nobody is anyone to be gossiped about, but like especially like you, my wife. And so like I think that was one thing that I learned very early on, and not by like experience, I think it was just like something that I maybe had heard and was like, wow, I I want to pick that up myself and make sure like I can be a rib for Carrie and she's a rib for me, and she's like we're protecting each other and we always have each other's back, and it's like that respect for one another, too, of just honoring each other um at all times for sure.

SPEAKER_03 38:29

Another thing that I think I've learned in just five years of being married is that marriage is very refining. Um of each one of us, it is sanctifying, it helps us to become more like Christ. I mean, yeah, I'm living with you 24-7. You see highs, lows, all in between kind of moments. Um, it helps us to learn like how to better communicate. It helps us learn where our blind spots might be, where maybe I'm being selfish um at times, maybe where there's still wounds that might need healing, um, whether that's from things that we're walking through in life now or maybe past things that we've experienced where we still need some healing in certain areas. And I just think marriage is the so beautiful and that it is a place where it's constantly refining us to become better um each day and just more like Christ each day.

SPEAKER_00 39:30

Yeah. Yeah, because it it will reveal a lot of things, a lot of things about you that you didn't even know were there. Like it'll it'll kind of it it it I guess the word that I'm thinking of it is is it exposes you to like selfishness. Um sometimes you don't realize how selfish you are, like with your time or the things that you want to do and the shows that I want to watch. And you know, like one thing that comes to mind for me is like, hey, when it's football season, I'm like, football is on the TV, right? And that's a very selfish thing for me. And you know, maybe it's a bad example because very Carrie is very gracious and is like, sure, you go watch football, but it's one of those things where it's like like what are you going to give up for your for your spouse? And yeah, it just it teaches you a lot of things, it sharpens your communication, it confronts your pride. I mean, there's just so many different things that you kind of get refined through.

SPEAKER_03 40:36

And I think it yeah, also it helps you become more servant-hearted and how to love people in the way that they need to be loved. I mean, our love languages are pretty similar, but you just again you learn how to kind of like dye to yourself and know like we are one now, we are one unit.

SPEAKER_04 40:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:55

Um, how do we best show up as our best selves and as a unit as one?

SPEAKER_00 41:00

Yeah, that's so good. And yeah, as you were kind of talking earlier, I um pulled up these verses, but just Proverbs 27, 17 like as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another, and that's marriage. Like we need to sharpen each other, and then Ephesians 4 2 be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another and love. And that's marriage for you right there. Like it's a strong marriage um doesn't always mean well, it it will never mean two perfect people because no one is perfect, right? Yeah, but um when you can continually be refined through love and grace and conflict and forgive each other and commitment, it's it's a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_03 41:51

It is, and I think that's learning in itself of like how to have those conversations and um to talk about like the blind spots in a loving way or um yeah. I I never want to be like a nitpicky naggie, naggy, I don't know if that's a word, wife, but like I think it takes um yeah, just learning how to have those conversations, but also more importantly, like praying, like praying that God also reveals um yeah areas that you need refinement in or sanctified, being sanctified in, um, and how to best come along each other and supporting that process.

SPEAKER_00 42:32

Yes, which actually kind of leads perfectly into what I would say would be my next thing that I've learned, um, which is keeping God at the center of your marriage.

SPEAKER_01 42:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

And that could mean so, so many different things, but yeah, it you have to be in constant prayer um for your spouse. And like, you know, I think one thing that maybe we could even do more of together is praying with your spouse.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:04

But um it's just so important to keep him at the center. And um what that also means is like every decision that you make together is made through prayer, it's made through what you feel like the Lord is leading uh both of you to do, not just like, well, I feel strongly about this, so this is what we need to do. Like, no, every decision that we've made, we've we've gone through um prayer and um yeah. Do you have anything to say on that? Just about keeping God at the center.

SPEAKER_03 43:38

No, I think you uh hit that one.

SPEAKER_00 43:41

Yeah, it's kind of like self explanatory, like it it it it doesn't need to be over explained, I feel like just keeping the Lord at the center of it and having him always be a part of your decision making.

SPEAKER_03 43:53

Yeah, and I think it's even in the hard, right? 'Cause there's been a lot of seasons we've walked through that have been Hard and always having it be a fight to be in God's presence and a fight to keep God at the center because there's gonna be days where it's hard and you don't want to. And maybe always you get out is a worship song or a prayer. Um, but continuously pushing one one another to fight to keep God at the center because it doesn't always come natural and easy. And I think that's what we've learned through being married.

SPEAKER_00 44:28

That's so good. And yes, always pointing your spouse back to Christ, right?

SPEAKER_03 44:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:33

Okay. And the fifth thing.

SPEAKER_03 44:37

Yeah, so I think this next one is gonna probably sound a little cliche as I say it, but um I think what we've really learned in these past five years is how to live out our vows. Like one that comes to mind, like as I mean, this is said at like every wedding, right? Like you will love the person in sickness and in health until death. And I think when you say that, you always expect, like, oh, that'll be like when we're 85, down the road, getting old. Like that's when we're gonna love each other in sickness, right?

SPEAKER_00 45:14

Or like I always think, like, if I'm throwing up or whatever, you know.

SPEAKER_03 45:17

Or like a common cold, like that, that to me is like it's pretty, I think those are like what you think, like either when we're super old or like maybe when I have a cold or I'm throwing up. And I mean, through our five years, like we've walked through a lot of really hard things when I think about sickness. Like I've had tumors in my thumb that have had to be removed. Um, we've walked through mental health struggles together. We've, I mean, there's even more than that, which I don't feel like this is the place to share it all. But there's been a lot of sickness that we have had to walk through together and and honestly suffer through together. And we've learned through that, like how to be present for one another, how to listen, how to sit in the pain, how not to just try and suppress it or push through the pain, like just really how to show up for each other in sickness. And that's not an easy thing to do. And I don't even think we could like sit here and give you like wisdom on how to do that well for your significant other, your partner, because it's gonna be so unique and individualized to your marriage. But I think that's something I am really grateful for. Like, no, you never want to like live out the vow of sickness, right? Like, no one wants sickness, pain, suffering. But right, um I it I am grateful for what God has like taught us in each of those experiences and in the hard and how he's made us more dependent on him and just even helped us learn how to um just again really like love each other through the hard. Like it's not an easy thing to do, and I think we've met each other with just so much grace and so much love, yeah, and have continued to choose each other every day through it.

SPEAKER_00 47:14

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we have walked through quite a few different things together. Um it actually reminds me of pulling it up here. This is actually my favorite set of Bible verses. It's James 1, verses 2 through 4. Very common or popular verse, but it says, consider it great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, like consider it great joy. And there's a lot of things that we've walked through together in the moments I was like, oh like how could you even get how could you think about that as like great joy? Um but then you move on to verse three because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance in verse four, and let endurance have its full effect so that you may be mature and complete and lacking nothing. And there's just so much uh spiritual richness to those verses. I know they're very popular and common verses that people read, but there's so much there, and I remember, and I won't dive too deep into this, we could talk about this at another podcast episode or whatever, but I remember recently there was a Sunday where I was um driving home from church, and we drove separately because I play on the worship team, and so I get there earlier uh for rehearsals and stuff like that, and um I was driving home and I began to just baw my eyes out and just started weeping before the Lord because I in that moment, um, you know, just based on that Sunday and everything, had started to kind of process some things again um of all these these things that we've been through together. And um I was brought to these verses, James uh one verses two through four, and I began to start to thank God for all these trials and um these struggles and everything that we had been through. That like I was like, God, just thank you, thank you, thank you so much. And I know that sounds silly, but like I was brought back to these verses and just thought like thank you, thank you so much for giving me that endurance, thank you so much um for for making us more mature in our marriage, and we we aren't lacking anything, and like we're we were growing in that, and so like I don't know, we we yeah, we can definitely dive deeper into that at another time, but um yeah, I just remember that moment of like considering it joy. I finally found like a joy to consider like we were going through this stuff because um we we were growing together in our marriage and and and in our faith. Um and even then, like looking back, like it was always easy, like with what you're saying, like it was always easy to like choose to love you like through it, through all these hard times that we had been going through. Like it was I I feel like it was always easy for both of us to choose to love each other and to choose each other in these hard moments, and um that's just like God's grace right there for sure, um, in his hand on our marriage. But yeah, I I I think that was just like something that I look back on now and I'm like, wow, that was that that's something that's special. But yeah, I think just remembering that vows aren't just some lovey dovey thing that you say at the altar when you're getting married, it's like an actual commitment that you're making to each other, and I think that's something we both recognized before we got married. Like, hey, these are vows to each other, we're making them to each other, and we've yeah, I would say I'm proud of us. Like, we've done a really good job of just like living out our vows together through those five years.

SPEAKER_01 51:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:41

These last five years. And honestly, I look forward to the next five years with you and the next five years after that, and after that, and after that, and after that, but yeah, yeah, just a lifetime together of growing with you, celebrating with you, um suffering with you. Like it's yeah, it's been an incredible five years, and just yeah, we've gotten to um support each other's dreams and um like you with mine and mine with you, and so this podcast. Yeah, this podcast is one of those, right? Like it's just yeah, it's been an incredible, it's been a blast, and um yeah, just I really truly look forward to continuing to support each other's dreams and loving each other through the good and the bad. And yeah, do you have any closing words you want to say?

SPEAKER_03 52:40

Yeah, I just yeah, agree that like so proud of us for getting to five years, living out our vows, loving each other well. Um, and it's truly an honor to be your wife, to get to do life with you. Um, you love me so well, and it's just been a a gift to get to be loved by you. Um, and I just look forward to more years together and our trip to Mexico.

SPEAKER_00 53:09

Yes, so excited.

SPEAKER_03 53:12

Okay, it was so fun getting to share our Wentfort relationship story with you guys, yep, and getting to celebrate our five years of marriage.

SPEAKER_00 53:23

Yes. Thank you guys so much for listening, and we will talk to you next time.

SPEAKER_01 53:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 53:31

Okay, bye.